


i loved you then, i love you now

by hannahsviolets



Category: iCarly
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-14
Updated: 2014-07-14
Packaged: 2018-02-08 19:50:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1954056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahsviolets/pseuds/hannahsviolets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sam's relationship with freddie, through her eyes. from ipilot to iloveyou.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i loved you then, i love you now

Freddie was horrible. He was annoying, the way he always spat out facts about stupid computer shit that nobody cared about. The way he thought he was funny when he wasn't. The way he looked at Carly when he knew she didn't feel the same way. Freddie Benson was pathetic, he was a total nub. There was no way in hell that any girl would ever go out with him. Ever. Sam was forced to spend time with him because he was friends with Carly and she couldn't have been less happy about it, how he was always there, not paying attention to her, paying attention to Carly. How dare he. Didn't he know how much cooler she was? How much funnier she was? Sam loved Carly and she hated Freddie, so she had no idea why it bothered her so much that he barely even looked at her unless she was hitting him or calling him names. Which is pretty much how the whole thing started, her making fun of him. Just so he'd pay her attention.

So when Freddie had pretty much begged to be the tech producer on the web show that she and Carly had decided to do it, Sam had been happy about it. She'd been really happy because if Freddie was filming it meant he'd have to look at her, pay attention to what she was saying. But of course, she acted like it was an annoyance, like it was going to ruin the whole thing. It probably would, honestly. Freddie would probably talk through the whole thing, telling their audience about how to reboot your hard drive or something and they'd lose ten viewers per second. So she wasn't entirely happy about it. No way. Not at all. Freddie Benson was the bane of her existence.

* * *

 Watching those stupid dance videos was probably the most boring thing Sam had ever done in her life. These people were horrible dancing - how could they not know they were horrible? But she was gonna have to watch them because she and Carly had promised the dance contest and they couldn't let their viewers down. It was about midnight by the time she, Carly and Freddie started dozing off. Sam was sitting next to Freddie, and Carly was on the other side of him, her eyelids only moments from falling. 

Freddie had been paying her more attention lately, definitely not the way he did Carly, but still, attention was attention. Sam wouldn't admit that she was happy about it, but she was. Like this morning, he'd approached her and started complaining about getting a B on a history test. She'd called him a nub and shook her head over what a nerd he was, worrying about getting a B. "I got an F on my history test, you don't see me complaining," she'd said. But secretly, it made her smile that he'd come to her. 

It had just been a small thing, but small things meant a lot to Sam. Plus, she was too tired to even really think straight. Those were the only two excuses she could think of as to why she rested her head on Freddie's shoulder. It felt nice. Her heart stopped for about five seconds and when he didn't say anything, she calmed and settled in to him. As soon as she did that, however, he shrugged her off of him. Sam made a face, like she hadn't even realized she'd done that. God, Freddie was such an asshole. If Carly had done that, he'd have been all over her, smelled her hair, maybe even kissed her head. Not that Sam wanted that or anything. She wasn't some daffodil. 

And maybe when they all got up to switch positions to stay awake, and she rested her head in Carly's lap, it wasn't because she was tired, but because she needed some sort of comfort. Sam would never admit that to anyone. Especially herself.

* * *

 Sam had never been more shocked in her life than she was when that Valerie girl announced to thousands of people that she thought Freddie was cute. Freddie, cute? Please. Barf. What was even worse was that she actually agreed to going out with him. Never in her wildest dreams had she ever imagined anyone going out with Freddie, she'd always imagined him being single forever, living with his mother until he was forty. And there seemed to be nothing wrong with Valerie. She was cute and nice and sweet, the exact type of girl that Freddie would fall for. She could get why he liked her, but why would she like him? Did Freddie have any good qualities? Well . . . he was really nice. He looked out for his friends. He loved his mother, no matter how annoying she was. He was a gentleman, which was something Sam had never even known was possible before she'd met Freddie. And yeah, maybe it was kind of funny how unfunny he was. But physically? Okay, maybe he was a little cute. He had really nice hair, and his eyes were nice and his laugh was really infectious . . . wait, what? Why was she thinking about Freddie that way? Gross.

Thankfully, Valerie turned out to be a crazy psycho bitch. Like actually psycho. She had pretty much gotten Freddie to quit iCarly (which upset Sam more than she cared to admit) and she'd even tried to get Sam to join her too. Sam had almost laughed at that. Like she'd ever betray Carly. She had practically ran over to her best friend's house and told her everything that Valerie had done. What she hadn't laughed at, was the fact that Freddie had said he'd quit because of how mean she was to him. Didn't the nub know that she only teased him so much because it made him pay attention to her? Because it gave her an excuse to talk to him? God, why were boys so stupid? There was no way she would've told him that he was important to iCarly if she hadn't thought that he'd quit the show. And if Freddie quit the show, not only would the show not be as good, but they'd slowly stop talking to each other all together. Plus, Freddie's smile when she told him made it completely worth it. They hugged, like actually hugged. It was the first time in Sam's life that she'd had non-violent contact with another boy. (Well, except for the time one of her mom's boyfriends had felt her tits when her mom wasn't home. Although, that could've been considered violent.) As much as she enjoyed the hug, she couldn't let Freddie think that she enjoyed it or anything. So she gave him a wedgie. 

* * *

When Freddie's mom started spending all of her time with Lewbert, Sam found it hilarious how upset Freddie was. He was totally overreacting to the whole thing. So what his mom wasn't up his ass every second? Wasn't that a good thing? All Freddie did was complain about how she treated him like a baby, and now she was giving him enough freedom to do whatever he wanted. Maybe he hadn't always been upset over it. Actually, he'd been pretty happy about the whole thing until Sam had pantsed him in the middle of the hallway.

Now, here's something that Sam was completely and utterly humiliated over. Right before she had pantsed him, Freddie had bragged to Carly and Sam that he'd slept naked because his mother wasn't around. Sam spit her cheetos back into the bag and threw it out, no longer having an appetite with the picture in her head. A year ago, she would've done that and been serious about it, but now, it wasn't so serious. Freddie's voice had gotten deeper, and he'd started filling out and he had gotten cuter. That fact wasn't even something she could deny anymore and she silently thanked God that Carly had never said anything about how much better looking he'd gotten. Sam could lie to anyone else, but she couldn't lie to Carly. And after she'd thrown out the bag of cheetos, all she could think about for the rest of the conversation was what Freddie looked like naked. Maybe he'd been masturbating while he'd been lying there - probably thinking about Carly no doubt. The thought made Sam's cheeks grow hot. She should really not be thinking about Freddie this way. Freddie was gross, sure he'd gotten cuter, but he was still a nub. A huge, dorky nub. She could punch herself in the face for even thinking about what Freddie looked like naked or what Freddie looked like masturbating. 

When Carly walked away, she followed. But Sam knew she wasn't going to stop thinking about all this unless she did something about it. It wasn't like she could go up to Freddie and kiss him or grab his dick in the middle of the hallway. He'd probably go "Gross!" and push her off of him. So she did the next best thing - she pantsed him. It was the closest to his dick she was probably ever going to get and he wouldn't even think she'd done it for that reason. He'd think she'd done it because she wanted to humiliate him. Which she did, so it was a job well done.

* * *

 Sam had never meant to hurt Freddie the way she did, honest. She just wanted to get back at him for handcuffing her to Gibby - in her mind, that was way worse than everyone knowing you hadn't had your first kiss. It wasn't even really a big deal to her, she'd never had her first kiss either. Yeah, sure, some of her mom's boyfriends had tried to when they came home drunk but they'd never gotten that far because she'd kicked them in the nuts and went straight to Carly's. Sam always just figured that she'd get kissed when the time was right - who really cared how old she was when it happened? She didn't like being around boys too much anyway, they made her uneasy and when they didn't make her uneasy they made her nervous and when they didn't make her nervous they made her annoyed. But maybe a boy not being kissed is a bigger deal because they're supposed to be super studly or whatever. If she was being honest with herself, she should have thought deeper into the whole thing. Freddie did get made fun of a lot for only having girls as friends and since he was used to all of Sam's abuse, it didn't bother him too much, but this would just add to the school's whole 'Freddie is gay' theory. Sam had defended him numerous times (behind his back, of course) threatening to beat anyone who ever said anything about Freddie again. She suspected that he knew she'd done something because the one he'd gotten really upset was when Tyler Beck called him a fag and pushed him into a locker. The next day, he'd practically cowered in fear away from Freddie. 

She'd hurt Freddie plenty of times in the past and it hadn't bothered her. But something about this time seemed more serious, like more of a bigger deal. It was Carly getting angry at her that really made her think about it. Carly had never yelled at her for being mean to Freddie before. Truth be told, Carly's was really the only opinion that Sam cared about. Her opinion meant a lot. It was what convinced Sam to announce to thousands of people that she was a lip virgin, something she'd never been embarrassed about until that moment. 

She found Freddie on the terrace of his apartment, all moody and angsty over the teasing and embarrassment he'd suffered over the past week. He wasn't as angry with her anymore, he'd seen what she'd said and he appreciated it. They talked then, had a real talk about kissing and people being stupid and it was the first time Sam had ever talked to Freddie without insulting him. It was also the first time she'd ever apologized to him. He'd tried to get her to stop picking on him all together, but she couldn't do that. It was just her nature. He knew that.

Sam had kind of expected that to be the end of the conversation. Where else could it go? She and Freddie had never treated each other like human beings before. But then he suggested something - or started to suggest something, that she picked up on right away. 

"I was just gonna say -"

"That we should kiss?"

It was the best idea she'd heard in a while. She'd always wanted to kiss Freddie, just to see what it would be like. Maybe get rid of all that weird sexual tension that seemed to follow them everywhere. She never actually thought that it would happen, especially not like this. The two of them agreed to never speak of it again, to never tell anyone. Sam couldn't even think about how humiliating it would be if anyone had found out she'd kissed the nub - it would totally ruin her street cred. 

The kiss wasn't long and it wasn't short. It was maybe about eight seconds. Freddie's lips were soft, probably because of all the chap stick his mother made him wear, and they didn't really taste like anything. There wasn't any tongue involved, it was an innocent kiss. But even for an innocent kiss, Sam could still feel fireworks. She felt something that she'd never felt before and she had no idea what it was. She was so confused, she couldn't even concentrate on the last few seconds of the kiss. Freddie must've noticed that she'd stopped kissing him back because he pulled away.

Fuck. Shit. 

She was in love with Freddie Benson.

* * *

 Carly finding out about the kiss was worst case scenario, and here it was, becoming a reality. Worst of all, it was her fault that her best friend even knew in the first place. She knew she shouldn't have let Carly take her to the dentist. Sam wouldn't even think about all the uncomfortable questions that were going to come from Carly. She'd only asked about two so far. Like how long was it? "Seven seconds." "Seven, eight." Was it fun? "Fun?" Thankfully, Spencer had come running in at that point and interrupted them. Good thing, too, because Sam wasn't sure she could trust herself not to say "It was the best moment of my whole life!" Freddie probably felt the exact opposite. It was probably the most disgusting/disturbing moment of his life. He was probably thinking about Carly the whole time, picturing that it was her and not Sam. Picturing that her lips tasted like pina colada and not meatballs. 

When Spencer had come back from his date and finally untied all of them, Freddie went home. Sam had decided to stay over, knowing that if she went home it would just be a night of listening to her mom and her new boyfriend having sex. It was late, and both she and Carly were exhausted so they decided to call it a night. They headed up to Carly's bedroom and Carly gave Sam a pair of pajamas to wear, to which Sam was grateful. They practically collapsed on the bed - not before Carly asked Sam to make sure the door was locked so that the prisoners didn't come back, and not before she made Sam double check that her butter sock was in reach in case they came in through the window or something. By the time Carly was done freaking out, Sam was half asleep, nodding and telling her friend not to worry. She wasn't even really paying attention anymore. 

There was one question however that stood out.

"Are you happy Freddie was your first kiss?"

Sam turned over in bed to face Carly. "What do you mean 'happy?'"

"I mean, like, would you rather it have been someone else? Or like, did you want it to be someone else then and you're happy it was Freddie now?"

Of course Carly would still be fixated on the fucking kiss. Jesus, it wasn't even that big of a deal. 

"Why do you care?"

"Because! It's your first kiss! This is a big deal!"

Everything was a big deal to Carly.

"Well, it was old Fredbag, so I couldn't be too delighted that it was with him. Actually not delighted at all," her breath hitched in her throat. Sam was terrible at lying to Carly's face. She had to be semi-honest. "But, I will say that it was nice to not have to worry that he was gonna feel me up or something,"

"Feel what up?"

Sam laughed and ruffled Carly's hair. "I'll tell you when you're older. Night, kid."

* * *

Carly and Freddie dating was the most disgusting thing Sam had ever witnessed in her life. Their kisses looked like they were eating each other's faces. Sam had thought that Carly was joking when she'd said she'd kissed Freddie. Carly would never do that. Ever. In a million years. She'd made it clear that she loved him like a brother like ten bazillion times. But she wasn't joking. She pulled Sam by the arm into her apartment and told her everything. "He just looked so cute, his hair all wet and stuff, so I just leaned over and I kissed him! Is that bad? Should I not have done that?" Sam wanted to scream 'YES!' but instead she just said, "Do you like him?" and Carly said "Yeah, I think so," so Sam said "Then you should've done it. Congrats. Now you and Freddie are gonna have lots of Creddie babies,"

The thought of Creddie babies was terrifying. 

The only thing scarier was a few days ago when she'd watched Freddie get hit by the taco truck. It had literally come out of nowhere. She had seen it before either of them had, yelling "Carly, watch out!" and Carly hadn't been paying attention. So Freddie ran to where she stood and shoved her to the other side of the road. The whole thing must've happened in a matter of seconds, but it felt like an eternity to Sam. The truck had been coming to a stop, but it managed to still hit Freddie pretty bad. He flew above five feet into the air, which Sam would've normally laughed at, but not now. The truck driver got out and started freaking out and Carly was crying really hard and Freddie was just lying there, moaning in pain. Sam ran to Carly first, too afraid to touch Freddie. They leaned against each other, Carly sobbing into Sam's chest while they stared at the scene in front of them. The situation was starting to draw a crowd. A woman who claimed to be a doctor ran over to Freddie and said that he was hurt badly and needed assistance right away. The girls whipped out their cell phones and called an ambulance. Carly was still shaking, and Freddie was bleeding really badly and Sam didn't want to leave them, but Carly insisted that she head to Bushwell to go tell Spencer.

She doesn't regret buying a taco from the truck driver before she left. When she's stressed, she eats.

Sam had gone to bed that night crying. It was the first time she'd cried since the whole thing with her job at that gross chili place. She couldn't call Freddie because she was too afraid to. She couldn't call his apartment because there was no way she was talking to Mrs. Benson. She couldn't call Carly because she was still freaking out. She had no idea how Freddie was. What if he was dead? He could be dead just because he had to be brave and save Carly's life. In a way, it kind of made Sam just like him even more because of just how brave it was. She wouldn't even have done that. She would've just picked up Carly and ran.

But Freddie was okay, and the main issue she had to worry about now was the prospect of Carly and Freddie together. What if they did have Creddie babies someday? Was she going to have to watch them make out every day? Would iCarly consist of them just making googly eyes at each other? Oh, God. No. This could not happen. Maybe Sam was being selfish when she told Freddie that Carly only liked him because of what he'd done for her, comparing it to her own similar story with Eric Moseby. (She leaves out the part about giving him a blowjob behind the bleachers in exchange for free bacon after they broke up). Freddie actually seems to listen to her, to care about her opinion on how this whole thing is gonna go down. 

Sure enough, the next day Carly texts her to tell her that she and Freddie broke up. Sam only feels a little bad that the news made her smile.

* * *

 The first time that Sam ever admits she's scared is the first night they stay in the basement at Psycho Nora's house. Carly's fallen asleep on the floor, all curled up into a ball. Freddie's refusing to sleep, something about how Nora might come in here and rape him or something. 

"I'd never let that happen," Sam said, leaning against the door. She doesn't want to sleep just because she doesn't want to let her guard down. Nora could come in here any second and kill all of them and Sam would rather not be asleep when that happens. 

"You let her kiss me!"

"Through the glass," she responded, giving a signal to Freddie to lower his voice so Carly doesn't wake up. "I'd never actually let her do anything to you."

"You hate me!"

Sam couldn't deny that. She did hate Freddie. She loved him deep down, but in the normal part of her, she hated him. "Yeah, well, you're still my friend and just because we might not get along doesn't mean I'd let her touch you,"

Freddie didn't say anything back. Sam sighed. "Go to sleep. I'll stay up and keep watch."

"No, I can't let you do that. I'm the man -"

"Sort of,"

"So I should keep watch. You go to sleep."

Sam shook her head. "Nope. I've got more strength in one arm than you do your whole body,"

"Hey! I've been working out, in case you haven't noticed,"

Sam had definitely noticed. She was constantly checking Freddie out when he wasn't looking. The boy had definitely grown well. She tried not to comment on that. "Well, I'm still staying up."

Freddie got up from across the small room and walked over to sit next to her. She even surprised herself when she didn't tell him to go away. "Okay, why won't you really go to sleep?"

"I told you. I have to stay up to protect you and Carly."

"Yeah, but let's be real. I feel like if you even heard the door crack you'd wake up right away."

Sam laughed, "Probably,"

Freddie's sitting far enough away that things don't seem to romantic or too sexual. But when he looks at her, she gets that feeling in her stomach that she got when they kissed. "Tell me the real reason,"

She can't deny him when he's looking at her that way. "I guess . . . I'm scared,"

"You? Scared? I don't think I've ever seen you scared before in my life,"

Sam shrugged. "Yeah, you have. Twice,"

Freddie raised an eyebrow.

"Right before we kissed and when you got hit by the taco truck,"

She had never been this honest with anyone before except Carly. Freddie didn't look surprised, he just looked kind of confused. "Both times were because of me?"

"Yeah, yeah, don't get a big head."

Freddie didn't say anything else and neither did Sam but she could see him smiling through the corner of her eye. She slapped him on the arm before pointing to the other side of the room and he did as told. Freddie didn't stay up as long as he said he would, he ended up falling asleep. Sam rolled her eyes. The nub. She debated with herself for a few moments before draping one of the blankets Nora had given them over him. And whether he knew she had done it or not when he woke up in the morning, he didn't say. Partly because he knew Sam would kill him if he did.

 

* * *

 The first time Sam realized that she was really head over heels for Freddie was when he brought the hot intern in to compete with her and Carly's hot intern. She didn't know why, but it triggered something in her that said 'Wow, you really, really love him. You can't even pretend that you don't anymore.'

The realization was terrifying. Yeah, Sam had known that she'd liked Freddie for years now. And yes, her crush had become a little deeper recently. But she was usually able to ignore it, she was usually able to convince herself that liking a nub like Freddie was something that she had to bury. Nobody could know about it, hell, she could hardly admit to herself half the time. 

But now . . . she couldn't deny it to herself anymore. Freddie was just . . . so handsome and smart and sweet and brave and kind and everything she wasn't. Perhaps that's what drew her to him - was that he was the complete opposite of herself. Sam knew that Freddie could do better, that he deserved better, but at that moment in time it didn't matter to her. The only thing that mattered was Freddie and how she could get him to love her. She wouldn't start acting like Carly or like some other daffodil, but she could always be a little nicer to him. Maybe bring him things, compliment him, make him food. There was a chance it wouldn't work, but there was also a chance that it would. Sam was pretty enough, she didn't know if Freddie felt that way but other guys did. If her face didn't work, her boobs were pretty big - and isn't that the basic key to getting a guy to like you? Or at least want to fuck you? By having big tits?

But Sam didn't want to fuck Freddie - okay, yeah, she did, but she wanted him to be her boyfriend. The kind of boyfriend she could day dream about, that would do all the things she wanted out of life. Rub her feet, make her food, take her to nice places. And maybe do some stuff that she didn't want out of life, but someday could. Kiss her goodbye after school, carry her books to class, spoon with her. It was embarrassing how much she wanted to do all this mushy stuff with Freddie. Sam wasn't supposed to be that type of girl. She wasn't supposed to be the type of girl that could be a girlfriend, she was supposed to be the girl that guys cheat on their girlfriends with. She'd accepted that, she'd been fine with that. Until now.

Sam wanted more out of life. She wanted more than being a side bitch, she wanted more than being the pretty girl's best friend, she wanted more than working at a gas station. Of course, that didn't mean she was gonna try not to fail high school, because really, who cared about that? But maybe being Freddie Benson's girlfriend would give her a better life. Freddie was probably going to be some big CEO someday and have tons of money and maybe Sam could be his wife that got to hang out in the hot tub and eat chicken wings all day. And Freddie wouldn't cheat on her because he was totally in love with her.

But don't tell anybody she said that.

* * *

 Freddie's stupid Pear Pad app saying she was in love was horrible because all it meant was that Carly was going to follow her everywhere, telling her that she should go after her love. She didn't like Brad, obviously. Sure, he was a nice guy and he was cute but he was no Freddie Benson. Freddie Benson was one of a kind, certainly. And even if she took what Carly was saying and put it in about Freddie, she couldn't do that. There was no way she would ever admit to Freddie that she liked him. He'd have to figure out for himself. Maybe ask her out, bring her flowers - no, not flowers, chocolate. Yeah, chocolate.

She hadn't planned on acting on her feelings for Freddie. The only thing Sam had planned on was being nicer to him and she been. She'd helped him with his project, told him how cool she thought the project was, brought him chips and guac. Being the oblivious guy he was, Freddie had no idea what she was up to. Until of course, that stupid Pear Pad app had ruined everything. Now he thought that she was just doing everything for Brad. So when he cornered her outside and started talking about how she couldn't like him because she hated him, it hurt. Sam's feelings for Freddie were the farthest from hate. She'd told him she hated him a million times but never had it been true. That was made her kiss him. Actually no, what had made her kiss him was how good Freddie looked under the light and how nice he was being to her and telling her to take a chance. So she did. 

His lips were just as soft as last time, although they felt slightly hard against hers since he wasn't kissing her back. For a moment, Sam didn't care about that. She just wanted to taste Freddie. She wanted to live in some fantasy for a moment where he was her boyfriend - although, if he was her boyfriend, he'd probably be kissing her back. Sam stopped the kiss then, apologizing and staring at him for a minute or two before running off.

* * *

She had to be insane for ever thinking that it was okay to fall in love with Freddie Benson. That's what she kept telling the doctors at Troubled Waters, the hospital she'd checked herself into a few days before. "Why do you say that?" they'd asked and she'd say "Because. He's whiny and annoying and thinks he's all smart knowing about computers and the way he dresses - I mean c'mon? Does he want to get made fun of? Everyone in school already thinks he's gay he doesn't need to make it worse. And his mother! God, she's horrible. Y'know she powders his underwear every morning? Yup. And she makes him go to all these weird mother-son classes with her. She's insane, I'm telling you. So is Freddie, he's like the worst person ever. He just - ugh. He walks around holding the door open for me and getting girls who were mean to me sent away to sea and letting me punch him in the stomach when I get mad. Like what is that about? Freddie Benson is the most disgusting human being I've ever come across, and trust me I've met a lot of disgusting people."

Then the therapist would say, "Freddie sounds like a nice boy,"

"Yeah, well, he's not. He's horrible,"

It was only when she'd told one of them that she'd kiss him that they came up with a conclusion. "I think you're only saying he's horrible because he didn't kiss you back,"

Then Sam attacked the therapist and had to be locked up in the 'special' room for a few hours.

Carly and Freddie had found her after three days. Sam didn't even want to talk about Freddie to Carly, who was his dream girl, the love of his life, the one who'd probably be lounging in his hot tub while he worked all day. But Carly seemed to like the idea of Sam's crush and tried to convince her how great it might be if she were to talk to him about it. Then of course, stupid Freddie comes in and he's looking good and Sam has to look away and pretend like she hates his guts. But she can't do that. So when Carly leaves, she admits that she likes him and how that must mean she's mentally unstable. She tries not to blush when Freddie tells her she's no more mentally unstable then she was before. She also tries not to tell Freddie that she's decided to leave Troubled Waters because of what he'd said.

She's stuck in there for another three days because her mom still isn't back from vacation. Carly, Freddie and Gibby do everything they can to break her out. They even have Spencer dress up as her mom - she has to admit, the resemblance is uncanny. It doesn't work. They get caught and they're forced to do iCarly from the hospital. To which Carly decides to embarrass her more by announcing to the world that she likes Freddie. And then they video chat all of these stupid girls who keep saying how hot Freddie is (she doesn't deny it) and that one dude from Webicon who was obsessed with the idea together. The thing that surprised her the most was Freddie video chatting the iCarly audience. She couldn't believe that he was going to do this to her - reject her in front of millions of people. I mean, yeah, she kinda deserved for how horrible she'd been to him over the years, but it still made her heart break. Her heart instantly mended when Freddie put down his Pear Pad and kissed her. A real kiss, in front of everyone. His hands on her waist and everything. "So I guess we're both insane."

It was the happiest moment of her entire life.

* * *

Dating Freddie was horribly annoying because he had terrible habits. He was always telling her what to do, telling her what not to do, etc. But still, she put up with it. She loved being with him. She loved holding his hand and kissing his cheek and calling him stupid pet names that she would've never called anyone else in a billion years. Most of all, she loved being with someone that she could trust. Trust was something rare in Sam's life. She only trusted three people - Carly, Spencer and Freddie. Freddie was the type of boyfriend Sam had dreamed he would be. All of her other boyfriends had been pretty disgusting. They never did fun things with her, they only really hung out with so that they'd get laid later. Which usually happened. She'd lost her virginity a year before to some guy who she'd met while he was stealing corn nuts from a convenience store. They had sex in the back of his car after a week of dating and he dumped her right after. Sam had stayed over at Carly's and cried to her all night. Freddie wasn't like that at all. There were numerous occasions where Sam would try and start something sexual and he'd get really nervous and pull away. She'd been offended at first, but then she remembered that Freddie was a virgin. The type of virgin that probably wanted his first time to involve rose petals and bad pop music. The farthest they'd gone after two weeks was making out on her couch. Sam actually didn't mind. She liked that Freddie treated her like a human being, like she was worth more than a quick fuck in his car. 

They argued so much, though, that the making out aspect didn't make everything better. The two always had to go to Carly to fix their fights, which were usually over the stupidest things. It was when Carly had blown up at Pinini's about how awful they were being to each other and to her that Sam and Freddie made a pact that they wouldn't argue. They would express their opinions like mature adults and work it out like Carly did for them. Sam couldn't believe that Freddie actually cared about what she had to say, because he never had before. One night in particular, he'd told his mom he was sleeping at Gibby's and stayed over at her house while her mom was out of town. They laid in her bed all night, just talking. Freddie said that he wanted to know everything about her, and she'd laughed and told him it was stupid, but he'd insisted he wanted to know the story of Samantha Puckett. So she told him everything. About how she didn't know who her dad was, about her mom's gross boyfriend feeling her up, about the times they'd tried to kiss her, about how she met Carly, what she wanted to be when she grew up, what she liked most and what she disliked the most. Freddie had a note about everything - he was actually listening the whole time. He told her that she should think of an actual goal besides becoming an invisible ninja, and that he thinks she'd be good at being an actress or hosting a talk show like Ellen. It was the first time that anyone had told her she could do something amazing with her life. She told Freddie that, and he kissed her and told her she deserved the best out of life. And she let him spoon her and they fell asleep together.

Sam had completely forgotten that she'd sabotaged Freddie's chances to get into that camp. She'd done it one day when she was angry at him for a stupid reason - he didn't know what time it was. She was such a bitch. A selfish bitch who didn't deserve Freddie or any of the things he'd told her she deserved. Sam couldn't even be mad at Carly for telling Mrs. Benson what she'd done because she was too scared to tell Freddie herself. Sam didn't want him to break up with her, but there was nothing she could do to stop it. But of course, Carly saved the day. Freddie listened to her and did what she said and took Sam back, making Sam believe that she was the luckiest girl in the world with the best best friend ever. They ditched the Shay apartment afterwards and went out to the park to eat strawberries and tell ghost stories. Halfway through, Sam interrupted and told him she wanted to hear his life story. Freddie looked surprised but he told her everything, using different hand gestures and facial expressions to fit everything in and make it interesting. She could've listened to him talk all day.

* * *

It's a Saturday when they break up. Sam doesn't want to break up, not even a little, not even at all. She wants to stay with Freddie for the rest of their lives and hang out in his hot tub and eat chicken wings and make out when he gets home. That's how she'd planned her life out a few weeks ago. She'd promised herself she'd never break up with Freddie, ever. But today had changed that. What Carly had said to Spencer and his girlfriend resonated with them, about how they were forcing their relationship or whatever. Sam wasn't forcing it, but maybe Freddie was. She hadn't really noticed. Sure, they had less than nothing in common and it was coming back to bite them, but who really cared? They were happy? Right?

Freddie wanted someone normal and that's who he deserved. Someone normal, someone like Carly. Sam felt that maybe that's what he meant, that he wanted someone like Carly to be his girlfriend. She didn't have a problem with Freddie being the opposite of herself, she kind of liked it, but so she didn't seem like an idiot, she told him to get abnormal before she'd consider going out with him again. And she'd agreed that the break up was mutual and that they'd be better as friends, even though she was really dying inside and wanted to be his girlfriend forever. She couldn't let Freddie be unhappy, though. If he was unhappy with her, she was going to have to let him go. Sam did have to admit that it hurt when he'd called their relationship "fun" because it had been more than that. It had been the first real thing she'd ever experienced before.

The last thing she'd expected to hear after she exited the elevator was "I love you." She thought she was dreaming. Carly was the only person who'd ever told her she loved her and that had taken her years to get used to. But Freddie, the boy she loved even more than Carly, loved her? This had to be a joke. Was he messing with her? Sam stared at him for a few seconds to check to see if he broke out into laughter and added a "I'm just kidding" at the end, but he didn't. Sam had never said the words to anyone and meant it, but here she was, standing here with her heart broken ready to put it all out on the line. She shrugged and tried to fight the smile forming on her face before managing out, "I love you, too."

They kissed then, the half-smile still pretty obvious on Sam's face. Freddie pulled away, his hand still on her waist and checked his phone. "It's only 10:30," 

"Wanna break up at midnight?"

"That works,"

Sam giggled and followed Freddie back into the elevator that she'd hated almost moments ago. They kissed once more, a long one this time. Once the elevator doors had closed and he stuck his tongue in her mouth, she got an idea. "You wanna do something crazy?"

". . . uh, I guess?"

"Let's have sex. Now."

Freddie turned bright red and Sam laughed, pulling him close to her and hugging him. 

"Well, we love each other, right? And this would be like the perfect way to say goodbye. We don't have to tell anyone, I mean, Carly doesn't have to know everything we do together. We don't even have to talk about it again."

He looked like he was thinking about it for a moment before he pulled away from her hug and looked her in the eyes. "Okay,"

"Really?"

"Yeah. My mom's at one of her weird parenting meetings until tomorrow. Some type of 24 hour retreat? We can uh, do it, at my place,"

Sam didn't think she'd ever smiled so big. First, he'd told her he loved her and now she was gonna get to sleep with him? This night couldn't get any better.

"Just promise me one thing," she said as the elevator stopped at his floor.

"Anything,"

"I won't become anymore mentally unstable than usual after this, right?"  
Freddie laughed. "Unless I'm really bad at it, no."

Sam stood there, saying nothing for a moment. She was just gazing at him, in disbelief over how much she loved this boy. Eh, to heck with it, she could say it again. "I love you. So much."

"I love you, too."

 

 


End file.
